Salmonella Man

John, a coworker of mine, and I were talking about exercise (they started a free program at work yesterday), and he told me he used to drink raw eggs for breakfast. I said we’d never do that these days.

Yesterday morning I woke up with this in my head, thought I’d share (to the tune of Rush’s “Cinderella Man”:
A modest man from Fairfax
Thought he could be like Rocky
He had a need to drink
Eggs that were never cooked

Because he was foolish
Because he wanted protein
Because he was hungry
They called him insane
Watched too many movies
Goes to the gym all day
A little psychotic
He runs in the rain

Eyes wide open
Stomach churning
His bathroom now tarnished…

Salmonella Man
Puking in your can
Got to move quick
You’ve got the runs
Salmonella Man
Too weak to stand
Try to fight it
But you can’t get off the couch

As the sickness passed he awakened
To face a world without cramps
And a look in the refrigerator
Told him just what he must do

He went to shelf
And got some more eggs
You and I
Might call him insane
He went to the blender
And made another shake
And now he’s got
Runs and fever again